#12: Lifestyle Design Part 1: The ‘Dream Life’ Myth Exposed

Welcome back to The Growth Booth!

Today's episode is the first in a two-part series where we will discuss lifestyle freedom and really try to destroy the myth that you need to have a lot of money to have the lifestyle of your dreams.

Now, I've got a very special guest today, someone who has served as a friend, a mentor, and a business partner for the past decade, and that's Steve Clayton.

AIDAN

So, Steve, thanks for being here. Just to set the scene for everyone, quickly, I thought that you could share a little bit about your past life when you were in corporate. 

STEVE

Sure. Yeah. It seems like kind of a long time ago now. I started in corporate America. I was just out of school and 21 years old, and I started as a computer programmer. To give you an idea about how long ago this was, the computers were water-cooled. I kid you not. 

AIDAN

Stone age.

STEVE

Yeah. Anyway, I started there, and I spent a good 19 years, 18 years, whatever it is, in corporate America. I kind of did a typical kind of raising through the ranks. I was a project manager and a director of IT, and then I became through a whole host of circumstances and knowing people. I became a Chief Information Officer for a public company, which was a great job because it was a very entrepreneurial company, which is where I think I got my first taste of what I ultimately sort of understood my passion to be, honestly, because we started it as it was about a $40 million, $50 million company.

Then over the course of six or seven years, it was a very small management team, very entrepreneurial, very fast-moving, we grew up to 200 million. Then we were bought out by a $5 billion company that we knew well. Then there I was as a VP of it for a $5 billion company, a Fortune 500 company, and I spent five years with them, I think.

It was horrible because you went from being an incredibly fast-moving, nimble entrepreneurial company to the height of bureaucracy. It was stifling and horrible for me, and I was miserable. Didn't even realize how miserable I was.

So, finally, after five years, they knew that I wasn't happy. They weren't happy with me. I mean, entrepreneurs make crappy employees and constantly sort of chafing at the bit and stuff, so we parted ways. Then there I was, sort of young, but not really young, and had kind of accomplished sort of my career path in corporate. I didn't know what the hell to do.

Should I start over? A new company, keep doing that? Then I just realized that my path really was entrepreneurial because that's what I loved. 

AIDAN

There are so many rabbit holes that we could dive into there, but I thought we could start by talking about that transition going from being in that corporate world, which you've been doing for almost a couple of decades, to becoming a solopreneur. How did that unfold? Was that sort of like a conscious decision where you said, "Look, I want a different style of lifestyle. I've had it with this"? How did that sort of transition unfold?

STEVE

Yeah, I was pretty done with corporate. I was really unhappy, and I didn't see a path within corporate to really any kind of fulfillment or happiness because it didn't move me. It didn't motivate me. However, I had a wife, a stay-at-home mother wife, who I still have, by the way, and two kids, two young kids at that time. I guess they were... one in middle school, one in high school. I don't remember. I had to make money, and I had been making good money, so I had a cushion there, but I had a pretty high burn rate just because that's what you do when you're in corporate in suburbia and successful.

I kind of said, "Okay, well, I know that's not for me, but I have to at least explore corporate," meaning get my resume out there and look for a job. But also I knew based on my experiences with that small company that we grew, that entrepreneurial kind of stuff was for me. That was my passion, that was my strength. That's where I felt like I could shine. That's what motivated me.

And so I said, "I'm going to work on both those things in peril." I set out some goals in a spreadsheet, of course, because my whole life is built around spreadsheets, as we'll probably get talking to at some point. I set up some goals and I said, "Okay, if I can meet these goals with the business that I build myself, then I'll stop looking for a job."

I sort of planned out 6-12 months, whatever it was. I went down this parallel path, and I'll never forget it. I remember I went on a job interview and got on a plane and went to LA, which I didn't want to go. I love LA, but I don't want to live there. But there were very few jobs for somebody at that level of compensation. So, you go, you go where they tell you to go. I got a plane to go to a job interview in LA, and I landed. I was in baggage claim, and I remember how long ago it was. I had like a Palm Pilot kind of thing, I think. I don't remember exactly. 

AIDAN

It was probably like a water-cooled cellular device of some kind. 

STEVE

It probably was! I had to crank it.

All of a sudden, a couple of the campaigns that I was working on, affiliate marketing, just started to click. They've been getting there, getting there, getting there, and they just started clicking. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.

I was like, I know I'm now going to meet my goals. I called them up and I said, "Yeah, I'm not coming." I never even got to the hotel. I just turned around. 

AIDAN

This is when you're in the baggage carousel at the airport, right? 

STEVE

Yeah. I just got the next flight back home. I was like, "Screw this."

AIDAN

I remember you mentioning it to me in the past. You even used to have nightmares about you'd gone down your own path as a solopreneur. You'd still sometimes wake up thinking about getting the suit and tie on. 

STEVE

Yeah, for many years. For probably ten years after I left corporate, there were times that I would wake up and I go, "Oh, my God, was that all a dream? Do I not have my own businesses where I can kind of manage my own freedoms? I have to now put on a suit and tie and go to work?" because that's how old I am. We used to wear a suit and tie when we go to work.

AIDAN

Makes you wonder about just how psychologically traumatized you must have been to be having those kinds of nightmares. 

STEVE

Those last five years were really bad. The worst years, probably, of my life, I would say the last five years. Yeah.

AIDAN

You got to the point where you started making money through your own business solopreneur gig and obviously started to really get into this world of lifestyle freedom. You mentioned a moment ago about spreadsheets and planning. Something that came to mind was when we were in the Bahamas and Steve and I were sitting on a beach in the Bahamas, and I don't know what we were doing. We were sitting on the beach, and then next minute, Steve sort of like, "It'd be nice to be able to own one of these superyachts that we had chartered out there for a business meeting."

The conversation didn't go much further. We went back to the yacht and stuff, and then 20 minutes later, Steve appears out of his cabin. He's got his laptop in hand, and he looks like he's found the answer to the universe kind of a thing.

He says, "I've made a spreadsheet." "What have you made a spreadsheet about?" He's like, "I know how I'm going to buy a superyacht and turn it into a charter business," and all this, that, and the other. I always remember that. Spreadsheets are a big part of that. 

Just about the planning and stuff, if someone is right now, maybe they're in a day job and they want to bring more of that lifestyle freedom into their life. Where can they start with the planning? What's a first step that they could potentially do if they're looking to build that lifestyle business or lifestyle freedom?

STEVE

It's a little different for every circumstance. It depends on what's compelling you. It depends on what pressures you have on you, but I can tell you, for me, I think the function of the spreadsheet serves as getting it all out of my head and putting it somewhere so that I don't have to worry about it anymore.

It also lets me see the worst case. I mean, the minute I knew that there was not going to be any more money coming in, when corporate and I parted ways, the first thing I did was go to my spreadsheet and sort of say, "Okay, what is it going to take to live?"

I think that that is one of the best things that people can do, is sort of say, people might not really understand the answer to what kind of a business do you need at least to get you to the point where you've got freedom from working from someone else? Doesn't mean you're finished, doesn't mean you don't want to make billions of dollars or take over the world or whatever, but at least you can cut your ties with people who are in control of your destiny.

I think putting it on paper and saying, "This is the life we want to lead, this is where we want to live. This is the school my kids are going to go to," or whatever it is for you and map out, "Okay, well, here's what I need. No kidding. For real. Here's what I need with a little bit of a cushion." That gives you an idea of, "Okay, now, how can I get there in some gradual fashion?"

Doesn't have to be overnight. It could be six months, it could be a year, whatever it takes. I think it's really just getting it all, getting it out of the dream stage of, "Yeah, it'll be great to have my own business," and putting it into reality to say, "All right, well, my business needs to make X amount per year to support myself, my family. It's reasonable to think I could get there in two or three quarters," or whatever it is, that sort of thing. That helped me tremendously. 

AIDAN

I think there's something that happens when you all of a sudden put some ideas either down on paper, on a spreadsheet, and if someone's not a spreadsheet guy, you can do the exact same thing by writing on the back of a napkin kind of thing. When you start writing things down, “Okay, well, this is my list of overheads that I've got every month. I've got to get to a point where I'm making $100 a day or $172 a day or something to be able to fund my lifestyle,” that really draws a line in the sand, and you can then go about saying, “Okay, well, what are the different ways to get there?” The question changes then from this sort of pie in the sky idea to something that is real with a real number attached to it.

I think that leads me on to the next thing I wanted to talk to you about was just around this myth about a lot of people think you need to have a lot of money to be able to experience lifestyle freedom. What's your take on that?

STEVE

I'll tell you something… I don't think I've ever told you about this before. Not that huge of an epiphany, but it stuck with me.

When I was in corporate, and I didn't mention this before, I had gotten to meet with several entrepreneurs when I was in corporate because we were there looking at some of their technology or we were going to acquire their companies or something along those lines. One of the guys, I think we were out skiing and we were out skiing in Utah, and he was very wealthy and had done very well as an entrepreneur. I learned a lot from him. Kip was his name. We were on the slopes and we were looking at this beautiful home that was right on the slopes.

I was like, “Oh, man, that's beautiful.” And Kip said, “Yeah, it's great.” He goes, “but one thing you got to keep in mind always, there's always somebody who has more than you.” Always, unless you're Bill Gates or Warren Buffett or whatever, there's always somebody that has more than you. His point was that's not really what it takes. The people who are the happiest are the people that kind of know how much they need to be happy, and they get that, and then they use it appropriately in order to apply it to make happen. It's not about winning the money race, because, again, there's always somebody who has more than you.

 I think that's really the key to everything, is understanding what do you really need? Then usually it's a much lower number. Almost anything is possible. I used to use this example of, “All right, well, I want to be on boats. I want to have my own boat. I want to fly planes because that's what I want to do. I want to live in Key West.”

Okay, well, you could do what I did, which was I bought my own boat, I bought my own plane. I rented a place in Key West for a couple of years with my wife. We lived that experience and it was great. But there are plenty of ways to do that cheaper, and you could be just as happy as the guy who “There's always somebody who's got more than you.”

For some people, I was that guy. For others, they're that guy to me. You could do things like you could sell your car because you don't need a car down in Key West. Take a bus down to Key West, go to Craigslist and find a roommate for cheap housing. You could work on a charter boat down there until you get on your feet, and so then you could always be on the water. You could be a lineman at the airport and work part-time there and trade that for flying lessons so you could learn how to fly.

There are always ways to sort of pursue passions and dreams and find a way to get in there and find a way to get in there faster, sooner rather than later, because life is too short.

It doesn't mean that you can't ultimately have your own airplane and ultimately have your own charter boat and buy your own home in Key West, which I'm not sure I would ever recommend because it'll be underwater soon, but you can always do that.

AIDAN

I think also, just the way that the world has developed, especially over the past couple of years, it's so much easier to have that remote lifestyle now. For example, you can shift to an amazing chalet in the French Alps, and you can rent one of these things and you can see it and get it all lined up from the other side of the world and you can rent it through Airbnb. Just super simple these days.

Going back to your point, you really don't have to have a huge amount of money either, or even an online business to be able to live that lifestyle freedom.

I remember in 2003, I did a steep season in Squaw Valley in Lake Tahoe. It's not that I had no money. I had extreme amounts of negative money debt at that point because I was finishing my University, so I had a lot of negatives, I had a lot of debt. But I was able to have this amazing three months living in a ski chalet with some of my friends and snowboarding every single day. Looking back, it was really like the dream. 

We've done that in different ways in the future, like my wife and I have done a couple of ski seasons in France, in the French Alps, in ski chalets where we can literally just open the door and ski right out the door. You can get that kind of a thing for like $50 a day, and you can have a ski chalet. Now, it's not going to be a giant ski chalet with all the bells and whistles, but you don't need it honestly. There are different ends of the spectrum, and if you want even cheaper than that, you don't have to go to the French Alps. You could go down to the Andes mountain range in Argentina, and I tell you what, you could get the very best chalet for US$50 a day. 

I think when you just realize that those things are sort of out there these days and you don't even need to have an online business to be able to do something like that, you can work remotely, doing projects from wherever, and I think it's just so much more of a reality these days. I think it's also the kind of thing that lends itself nicely to being able to start building your own online business if that's what someone wants to do.

What about for someone who feels sort of trapped in the rat race? I'm sure that at some stage, with the position that you are in, making a lot of money in the rat race, you must have felt to some degree like, “Wow, what am I going to do? I'm trapped. I can't leave because I'll be giving up this income. I've got all these overheads now” What would you say to someone who's feeling trapped in the rat race?

STEVE

I think two big things. One is you really need to take some time to step back and understand what's happening to your mental health. If you're happy, great, good for you. That's fine. But it's oftentimes very difficult for us, for all of us, to really understand if we're happy or not. I mean, I think some people are better at it than others, but I think it's a fairly common problem. People don't really understand whether they're even happy or fulfilled or how their mental health is and what their stress levels are. 

AIDAN

If you start having nightmares about your job, then that’s probably time to do something different. 

STEVE

Yeah, or panic attacks or you just dread going to the office or you're living for the weekends, you're living to work instead of working to live. Again, there are people who love corporate, and that's fine. I'm not suggesting corporate is the evil that's the problem necessarily. It's just you better make sure of it because life is way too freaking short to waste your time on autopilot like that.

I think that's a big one, because if you're not happy, then it doesn't matter. None of the other stuff matters. Everything is going to suffer. All your relationships are going to suffer, and it doesn't matter how much money you're making. That's one thing.

The other thing I would say is that I think we all have a warped sense of risk because I think we think, “Well, it's safe to be in corporate. That income stream is safe,” and it's not. In fact, the more you make, the more successful you are in corporate, the less safe you are.

Two little quick anecdotes or sayings or things that are true from the boardroom, the first of which is one, “What is the one thing that every successful executive has in common?” He's been fired, and he's been fired because we're let go or to pursue other interests or whatever. He's been fired because he takes responsibility. He takes risks. It's part of the success. Part of the failure is part of how you succeed. There is a lot of risks.

The other thing is that once you become more and more highly compensated, I'll tell you that when companies need to save money, the first thing they do is sit in a boardroom and sort employees by order of salary, most expensive at the top. It's kind of common sense, right? 

AIDAN

I've seen that one unfold way back into my one and only corporate gig before I was lucky enough to get into online business. I'd been working in a company. I was sort of managing some of the supply chains. It was a wine company, so there are a lot of perks. I created a lot of wine tasting and so forth. However, it's surprising how that gets old quite quickly when you have to do it every single day. Nonetheless, I've been there for about six months, and the company had to make some cuts.

The person that had been training me, she had been in the job for 20 odd years or something, and I was brand new. I was brought in to take some of the load off her shoulders. She was put on the chopping block and she was gone. Literally, she found out on a Tuesday and she was gone on a Wednesday. I still vividly remember seeing this woman crying at her desk, and she was like one of the heroes of the company. Everyone who was in the company knew her, and she was an almost indispensable force, but then management need to save some money. So, who are they going to get rid of? They chose to get rid of her. 

That to me, was just such a big lesson at that point in my life: is there really security in day jobs in this day and age?

STEVE

Never. There just isn't. What's more secure than having your destiny in your own hands and knowing what's driving the decisions, knowing what's influencing everything, and doing what's best for you and your business versus some people sitting around looking at a spreadsheet of salaries? 

AIDAN

Did you talk about that decision to anyone? I'm sure you spoke about it with your wife and so forth about leaving the corporate world. Is there anything that you sort of found there that was useful?

STEVE

Well, I think my dad is a very conservative guy, but it comes from obviously a different generation. He'd been with the same company out of college, spent 35 years there, retired with a pension. But you can't do that anymore. I mean, the math has changed, if that existed, which it still does for like cops or firefighters or something, but for most people, these pensions and stuff, they don't exist.

I talked to him and I expected him to say, “You got to stay with corporate. Don't go out on your own. Jeez, that's ridiculous. You're nuts.” He spent most of his life telling me, not in a bad way, but because I was a crazy knucklehead, like, “What are you doing there? Go back to school. Do your homework,” that kind of stuff. So, I expected him to say that. 

Instead, he said exactly the opposite. He said basically what we've just been saying. He's like, “Look, there is no security anymore.” He goes, “What's more secure than having your destiny in your own hands?” because it's a false sense of security, and that's stayed with me ever since. 

AIDAN

Yes. I think also if you look at it through a little bit longer lens and you give yourself like what you did on a spreadsheet six months, twelve months to be able to get something coming in, that's a very long time in the online business space because if I just start from scratch again with nothing, I would absolutely expect to be able to get money coming in within even a few weeks or at least a few months if I was starting from scratch.

I think when you start looking at it through a wee bit longer of a lens, then it becomes so much more doable, especially when you've got that idea in your mind about how much money you actually need to be able to survive and provide for you and your family and so forth.

Steve, I'm conscious of your time here. I think this has been great. I think we've touched on some interesting things there, particularly about the water-cooled computers. I'm going to have to do a Google search on those things when we wrap up here, but we are going to be doing a follow-up episode to this. 

If you're listening to this, you can go over to thegrowthbooth.com episode #12 and you can download the show notes, transcription, other bits and pieces. Make sure you check out the next episode which is going to be episode number 13 of The Growth Booth. We're going to expand on this and talk a little bit more about a framework for finding that happiness and satisfaction.

Thanks again, Steve, and we'll see you on the next episode.